What A State!
One of the first things I teach students on my confidence course is how to better manage their emotional states.
The source of all emotion is one of three forces.
- Physiology
- Language
- Focus / Belief
I use the “State Triangle “ to illustrate how we can control our emotional states.
Once you understand how the process works you will understand why you are in a specific state at any particular time of the day. Emotions are key drivers of behaviour and as such are responsible for much of our results or consequences.
So to change how you are feeling, simply change any one of the 3 forces above. Once you grasp this idea it becomes incredibly easy to understand why you feel the way you feel and change your emotions at will.
So what specifically do each of these forces entail?
- Physiology - This is how you are using your physical body. For instance you can change your posture, most people will tend to drop their shoulders and neck when they feel unhappy and depressed so knowing this, if you straighten up and lift your head you will usually feel a lot better. Add a smile and a deep breath and suddenly you go from feeling “low” to feeling great!
Another important part of your physiology is breath; try breathing very shallow and quickly high in the chest. – This tends to make us feel panicky or tense and nervous. Alternatively try a few slow deep breaths breathing right into your diaphragm –How do you feel now? A relaxed upright stance with your head held high coupled with a smile and slow deep breathing is the natural position of confidence. Remember this next time you are feeling nervous in a situation and see what a difference a change in physiology can make!
- Language - As soon as we put words to any experience it will change the meaning we experience. Our language will change the way we feel, simply changing the tone, speed or volume has a dramatic effect on how we are feeling as too do the words we use. Try speaking in a slow monotone low voice “I’m so happy” - Kind of like the cartoon character Droopy. Now try it louder, quicker with a higher tone. Which one makes you feel better?
Our own internal dialogue will also affect our mood (perhaps more so). Start to notice the voices in your head, how do they sound? Are they positive? Who’s voice is it? Try changing the tone or putting a different accent on it - Does that make a difference?
- Focus / Belief - What you focus on you feel, and what you focus on you get!
If you are focussed on how bad things are you will feel bad. If however you change your focus to something more positive or happy your mood will instantly change. Too often we will focus on one tiny mistake and allow it grow and grow until it paralyses us, what would be more resourceful would be to focus on the other 99 things we did perfectly well before it. Children demonstrate this beautifully, if a child is upset or even hurt, they seem to instantly ‘get over it’ with a simple distraction such as a joke or funny look.
Our beliefs will similarly change our state. We can go from any emotion to another in the blink of an eye if one of our beliefs are challenged or reinforced.
So you can see, how we feel can to a large extent be controlled by ourselves. Next time you’re feeling sad, nervous or panicked try to notice what is going on. Can you adjust your posture, change your breathing or change the tone of your voice, smile and focus on the positives. Practice observing yourself and others not only will you gain insight into yourself, but you’ll find you can read other people better, and understand them more too.
